The other day I was reprimanded for apologising for being late when I had in fact turned up to our meeting one minute early. I was reprimanded (politely) for immediately relinquishing control of the meeting to someone else by acting in a subservient fashion - even when that was not necessary.
Ironically, I can think of hundreds of occasions when I have admonished others for apologising when apologies were neither required nor helpful. But clearly I too, have adopted this bad habit.
Not sure if it is an English habit though, or just a habit adopted by certain individuals, or perhaps is more common to women than men. Perhaps one of my readers can tell me.
What I do know though is that my behaviour was remarked upon by someone I had only met once before and she felt that my demeanour started the meeting off on the wrong foot – sufficient enough for her to comment on it.
Non verbal behaviour in business is something quite frequently talked about and analysed, but far less common is for us to analyse our verbal behaviour and assess whether that gives the right signals for what we are trying to achieve.
Just reflecting back on a few meetings in recent weeks I have observed:
Excessive bad language that gave me the impression of macho rather than business behaviour
A queue in a hotel where a business traveller did not even attempt a hello, please or thank you in the foreign language
A meeting where someone said ‘no’ when asked to do something whereas in fact what I think they meant to say, had they not been panicking, was ‘let me consider it and I’ll let you know whether it is feasible’
So... a macho impression, a disinterested impression and a negative impression.
It may well have been that the guy being macho was just covering up nerves, the business traveller was inwardly embarrassed for not even knowing the basics of the language and the negative person was in fact just anxious about whether they could deliver. But that’s not what we see, is it?
In all the training I have seen and experienced over the years I can think of only one course that specifically sought to educate me better on the language I use, the art of diplomacy, the choice of words and the impressions given by poor selection of language. (Yes, I know what you are thinking... I clearly didn’t make a very good student did I!!)
In my early years, I learnt to how to speak as a toddler. As a young girl I learnt manners. At school, I learnt a few foreign languages plus English grammar and how to spell. At university, my personal experience was that due to their total focus on their specialism, lecturers appeared to lack any interest in the wider aspects of education.
And now, in employment? Well, I think there is scope for employers to seek to continue our learning to achieve greater levels of knowledge, sophistication and awareness in all aspects of our communication. And I think that if that can be achieved, it could just be what sets us apart from the crowd.